Why I Run And Cannot Stop

In order for me to explain my passion, or more truthfully, addiction to running, I need to go back to my early childhood days. Once a upon a time there was a little girl…. She loved sport and participated in any and every sporting activity from an early age in her life. That little girl was me (surprise).

As a child I followed in the footsteps of my parents and adopted a very active lifestyle in terms of sporting activities. I competed at a national level in netball, gymnastics and athletics, but for the purpose of sharing my story, I will focus on my athletics career. 

At the young age of 5, I started competing in the primary school athletic competitions. At the age of 9, I competed in the hurdling event at the athletics day and my life was changed forever. I won the hurdling event and the very next week, I started training with a hurdling coach. According to my teachers and my dad, I was a natural hurdler and therefore my dad arranged for me to start training with this coach. This was the start of my love for running and exercising. The start of understanding the drive behind achieving your goal. The start of a very special bond with my dad, my biggest supported and fan. My dad would always be waiting at the finish line of every race with a face that smiled with pride and love. That was my motivation for finishing every race as best as I could. Who would want to disappoint such a loyal and loving fan?

From the age of 9 to 14, I trained with my first coach. But at the age of 14, I was spotted by the Olympics and Commonwealth athletic coach, Magda Botha, at my high school. She asked whether she could become my coach and it was a dream come true for me. Under her guidance, I competed at a national level in the 300m and 400m hurdling events from the age of 14 to the age of 22 (my final year at university). Under her coaching, I learned what it meant to keep pushing yourself even at the point where I thought “this is not possible!”. I learned to dig a little deeper when your legs don’t want to move forward and to keep moving forward even when your head tells you that you cannot.

In 2013, I competed in my last athletics competition. At the time I was a student studying a BCOM post graduate degree in accounting (my final year of my South African Chartered Accounting) and I needed every spare minute for my studies. Getting home late and exhausted 6 days a week made it difficult to stick to a taxing study schedule and I had to make a tough and sad decision.

I hung up my running shoes.

About a month after committing to focus on my studies, I realized a change in myself. One that I did not particularly like. I became moody, felt bloated and fat constantly and was irritable. I blamed my study stress but after I snapped at my mom one night for no reason, she pointed out that she thought my newfound moods were attributable to the fact that I did not exercise anymore. After 17 years of being active and competing, my body was not happy with the lack of exercise and lack of endorphins.

At that point I realized that my mom was right – as most moms are – and I needed to do some form of exercise. I thought to myself “I hate the gym! What am I going to do? I need to exercise! The only thing I know is running!”

So that is what I did. But this time I took up a different form of running. I started running on the road. For months I ran short distances like 3 or 4 kilometers while pushing myself to see if I could be faster each time, figuring out new routes in my neighborhood to keep things exciting and just enjoying the overall happiness I was experiencing.

But one morning, the 4km run just didn’t do the trick anymore. I wanted to go further. I wanted to prove to myself that I can do an extra loop… and one loop became two and two loops become three and three… you get my point.

Over the years, my love and commitment to running has grown. I have gone from someone that did not want to feel fat and moody to someone that cannot imagine a life without a I-ate-so-bad run or, I-need-to-clear-my-head run or, I-need-to-start-my-day-right run.

Running is no longer something I do to simply exercise; it has become an integral part of who I am and how I live. I love it. And honestly, I love myself more because of it.

Running allows me to find myself but also, it allows me to connect with two fallen heroes – my dad and Magda. On the road I reflect on how these two people changed my life forever by shaping me into a disciplined and balanced person. Running allows me to miss them and deal with it at the same time. Thoughts that I do not dare to think about otherwise because it simply hurts too much. Running allows me to find sanity…. It allows me to find me!